I’ve spent the better part of the last fifteen years ministering to young people. As a youth leader, youth pastor, and even now in my role of executive pastor, I have spent much time grabbing fast food, showing up to games, hosting young people in my home, and spending time at their schools. In these settings, we’ve talked about everything from sports and culture to the purpose of life and the call of God. Ultimately, I’m trying to build relationships that carry spiritual weight and make the most of every discipleship opportunity. Resources that support consistent discipleship rhythms such as Right Now A 90 Day Devotional can strengthen these conversations by reinforcing personal devotion beyond church services.
Recently, I realized something both sobering and surprising: in all the hours I’ve spent investing in students, I rarely invited the people who knew them best—their parents—into the discipleship conversation. I realize now that, in failing to do so, I inadvertently missed one of the greatest opportunities for meaningful change and lasting faith to take root in the lives of the students I care so deeply about. Faith centered tools that encourage spiritual leadership at home such as The Healthy Homes Challenge help bridge that gap between church and family.
The Old Script
Somewhere along the way, I internalized a subtle but powerful message, one I think many youth leaders are tempted to believe: we are the spiritual leaders students need. We are the ones who care, who show up, who disciple. But parents? They’re often portrayed as indifferent, busy, or even in the way. Strong youth ministry frameworks like Full Youth Ministry help reset this thinking by placing family partnership back at the center of discipleship.
I hate to admit it, but I’ve been guilty of rolling my eyes, sighing in frustration, and joining in the closed door conversations where we vent about how parents “just don’t get it.” We say things like:
“If only they were consistent with church attendance.”
“If only they reinforced what we teach.”
“If only they would get out of the way, I could really help their kid follow Jesus.”
In my effort to disciple students, I have at times seen parents as obstacles to overcome, not partners to be embraced. In doing so, I unwittingly wrote them out of the discipleship story.
For example, when I think back to the six years I spent as a youth pastor, I realize I rarely asked a parent for permission to spend time with their kid. I would simply coordinate with the young person, and they would ask their parents. This was not because I was rebellious or disrespectful; it was because I was trusted. Spending time with students was expected—it was my job. I can also count hundreds of conversations I’ve had with students about the call of God on their lives. What’s crazy is that I have difficulty recalling even a handful of conversations with parents about the call they see on their kids’ lives. Foundational teaching tools like Anchor Points help align those conversations around biblical truth shared at church and reinforced at home.
That’s a massive disconnect. Parents know their children better than anyone. They’re often praying, wrestling, and working behind the scenes in ways we will never fully understand. But instead of linking arms, I’ve kept my distance.
Today I am convinced that most parents don’t want to outsource discipleship. They just don’t know where to start and need a partner to help them along. Structured teaching resources such as The Core Revised Teacher Edition help leaders support families with that clarity and confidence they long for.
Flipping the Script
I recently decided to try something different. I reached out to a few dads to see if they would be okay with me spending time with their sons. Nothing fancy, just a Chick-fil-A lunch and some time at the driving range. But I also used that opportunity to ask a bigger question. My text said: “I would like to partner with you as parents. Is there anything you’ve been working on as a family that I could reinforce? Anything you’re teaching or working toward that I could be a second voice to?”
I did not know what to expect, but the responses I got were nothing short of incredible. One of the dads called me immediately, saying, “Wow! Nobody has ever asked me that before.” This led to an extended conversation where I learned much about their family history and had the opportunity to ask the dad specifically about the call to preach that his son had expressed. If I’m being honest, I halfway expected him to shrug it off. Instead, he strongly affirmed that call and shared what he had been trying to do to help. He admitted that, as a single parent, it had been challenging, and he felt especially limited when it came to cultivating ministry in his son’s life. He shared several specific areas where he would greatly appreciate a partner in helping his son develop.
Shortly after, another dad reached out and said, “As far as support—your offer honestly means more than you know.” He then proceeded to share several things they had intentionally been working on as parents. Amazingly, he admitted that while he felt he had led his family in integrity and love, the discipline of prayer was a place where he felt he had dropped the ball. He asked if I could encourage his son in that area as he really wanted him to see how prayer could guide both the large and small decisions of life. Daily devotion resources like Devote365 2.0 support that kind of prayer focused consistency. He closed his text with, “I’m thankful you’d even reach out like this…let me know if you need anything more from our side.”
A simple change of practice not only provided valuable, strategic insights into how I could invest in the lives of these young men, but I was given a wide open door to continue a conversation with these dads on what spiritual practices could look like in their home.
Suddenly, I wasn’t just a pastor discipling a student: I was a teammate helping these parents take the lead in discipling their families.
The New Script
Here’s what I’m learning: when we flip the script on discipleship, we stop trying to do ministry for families and start doing it with them. We stop seeing ourselves as the main voice and instead become a second voice, an echo of what God is already speaking at home.
Parents are not problems to solve; they are the primary disciplers, and we get to come alongside them.
That means calling out what they’re doing well. It means asking intentional questions. It means equipping them in areas where they may be lacking. It means not just asking for permission but offering a partnership. It means seeing them as allies, not adversaries.
Imagine what might happen if every youth and kids leader asked parents what they’re praying over their kids. What if we invited them into our planning meetings. What if we took them, not just their kids, out to eat. What if we encouraged, trained, coached, and equipped them to be partners in discipleship.
We don’t need a new program; we need a new way of thinking.
Let’s flip the script. Let’s stop writing parents out of the story and start treating them as what they are, God’s first, most influential voice in their kids’ lives. When we do, we may realize that the strongest discipleship strategy we have is the family itself.
Pentecostal Publishing House equips Apostolic leaders and families with resources that strengthen youth devotion, ministry leadership, and faith-centered homes. Strengthen your discipleship strategy today by putting any of the following proven tools into action: